Caring for Others Begins with Self-Care

In mindfulness meditation groups, I often talk about self-care. Self-care, while it may sound selfish, is one of the most selfless things you can do. As you take care of yourself, you are able to care for others, and for mother earth.

When we talk about self-care, or self-love or self-compassion, we’re talking about those things you need to feed your body, mind and soul. We’re talking about being kind to yourself, just as you are kind to others.

We often times make excuses why we don’t practice self-care. Time for instance, is often used as an excuse. We don’t seem to have enough of it.

Stoicsm is an ancient Greek school of philosophy about self-control and inner peace, and included followers such as Marcus Aurelius and Seneca. One of the lessons from the stoics is to wake up early. Take these moments before the rest of the world awakens to have quiet time to be by yourself. In modern terms, that means don’t look at your emails, or the news. Take some time to journal or meditate or just to watch the day unfold. It helps you start the day off right. And that is self-care.

Here are some other ideas from my own self care practice: 

• I use that early morning time, when the house is quiet, to do Yoga with Adrienne on YouTube, then I meditate. 
• I follow WW (formerly known as Weight Watchers) because I find that I’m more mindful of what I eat and I can stay at my optimal weight more easily. 
• I continually learn new things (like all about stoicism) – I read every day and oftentimes I have a couple online courses going. Right now I’m learning about Forest Bathing so I can lead walks. 
• I’m moving away from Facebook because I found I didn't like the way I was reacting to different posts. IMO, Facebook is not a place for peaceful dialogue.
• We don’t have TV and that frees up a lot of time for reading, although the right programs can be considered self-care. I do watch movies every so often, sometimes to learn something and sometimes just to veg out. 
• I attend the weekly service at PLC, my spiritual center. Right now we’re meeting via Zoom.

For some, it can be difficult to fit in self care because you are taking care of others – young kids or older parents maybe. From my experience in having done both (at the same time), I only wish I had taken that time. I told my son recently, that I wish I had found meditation when they were younger. I would have been a much better parent.

I recently listened to a talk on “How White Women Can Talk With Women of Color About Race” and they said the most important thing I can do is to practice self-care. If I don’t have enough self love to greet my own faults, how can I be honest with myself or with others. I can have those open, often difficult conversations without getting defensive. I can be a better listener, listen more deeply, from the heart AND from the mind. And I can recover more quickly from the bad stuff.

So take some time to listen to that inner voice telling you what you need, what you need right now, to take care of yourself. All the answers are in there waiting to speak.